Fucking Nineveh.

Btw, as bad as you could imagine being stuck inside a whale is…

it’s actually worse than that.

Significantly.

Exponentially.

Worse. Than what your worst imagination is.

0/10.

no stars.

do not recommend.

I should have charged my phone before I jumped thatwassostupid!

Whatever.

Got no signal anyway.

I’m wide awake.

It’s dark in here.

I can’t move.

Weird things are touching my feet.

And it’s gonna be awhile until we get to where this stupid whale is taking me.

You’re an asshole, God.

Did you know that?

Of course you know that.

You’re omnipotent.

I’m so fucking tired of arguing with omnipotent entities…

… y’all think you know everything.

WHY.

OF ALL PLACES.

DO I HAVE TO GO TO NINEVEH?!?

Do you have any idea how many different groups of people I know back there that will not want to hear a thing I have to say?!?

Do you realize how many people I’m gonna piss off?

Friends.

People I love.

Colleagues.

Family members.

Fans!

I’ve got friend groups that don’t know about each other and don’t like each other.

And you’re gonna force me to publicly declare a side is wrong by outing myself.

Are you crazy?

I would never do that to you, fwiw.

Just in case you ever wonder which of us is more humane, God…

I would never force you to go to Nineveh.

Did it ever occur to you that I’m just trying to survive on this planet and you’re actively making my limited time here worse?

I’m now inside a fucking whale.

Why are you making my existence more difficult than it has to be, Old Sky Dude?

IT WAS ALREADY DIFFICULT ENOUGH, IN CASE YOU FORGOT…

Big.

Powerful organizations.

With hundreds and thousands of employees and affiliates across an entire continent.

People with jobs.

Careers.

Mortgages.

Orthodontist bills for their kids.

Big, powerful, organizations that have lawyers.

Teams of lawyers.

Their lawyers have kids with shitty teeth, too!

And my colleagues.

My favorite people on earth.

The ones that taught me the art form.

How do I… how– do you have any fucking idea how hard it is finding a steady paycheck in this industry for 35 years?

It’s impossible.

I can not harm the people I love.

And now I’m working for this opposing political party that the old powerful organization is actively fighting against.

And the old organization has done things that have hurt people I know now.

Friends and colleagues I love today who would be harmed by my associations of the past.

Deeply, deeply hurt.

They would feel betrayed to know I worked with that organization.

It could kill everything I’m trying to build.

And then my family.

My nuclear family and everyone I grew up with.

And then my current family… and extended family.

Because they’re at least 51% of the problem and how the hell do I not completely get destroyed here from every direction?

And then… you knew I made that show thing for the organization, right God?

Yeah, well there’s fans.

Did you know that?

Do you know how rare it is for an actor to actually have fans?

People love that show.

And it’s a kid’s show for crying out loud and they still make it.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN, FOR YOUR’S SAKE!

And you know how much I like to swear, you omnipotent motherfucker.

How do I do this without causing harm?

Isn’t that the whole point?

Harm reduction?

Is it possible?

Is there any way?

How do I solve this impossible, tangled, mess of a problem that YOU created, btw?

Wellllllll?????

Why

am I asking

an entity

that stuck me

in a fucking

whale?

Clearly comfort is not your concern.

*sigh*

Fucking Nineveh.

Y’all suck.